First you will have to find your way to security, but be sure it's not the TSA fast pass lane or Delta Sky line security. They will kick you out. Once you find the correct line, you may enter. Unless you're stuck behind some one who doesn't have any form of ID on them. Why this person is a functioning member of society I do not know. Luckily for this individual her back was turned to me and could not see the "can you really be this dumb" look on my face. Fun fact, you can prove your identity with a prescription bottle. I feel safe now.Now it's time for the Metal Detector XRay Box-o-Fun. For said contraption you must remove shoes and stand in line. This is not sacred ground like that at the Grand Ole Opry, but cold tile that every one else has had their gross feet on. Now being Atlanta we can be fancy at times and some have come dressed to impress. You'll have to wait behind the fashionista as she takes off her very adorable but not TSA friendly shoes, and her 6 pieces of Jewelry. This can also be said of the T.I wanna be with his chain and belt buckle. We are so diverse here. If you're lucky you will make it though with ease. However there's a 50/50 chance that some one packed something they should not have and they have to scan the bag back and forth, back and forth, Little slower, but back and forth while you watch ole Joe sweat. This can be stressful or funny depending. Personally, I just wanted to point on their recent TSA fail rate of 95% and to move on! Who is allowed to continue working with those kind of numbers any ways??!
You will also have to wait as Fashion and T.I re-accessorize post Box-O-Fun. I believe their should be a line for intelligent people and a line for those of the less gifted kind. Unlike the tiny airports scattered over our country, A train ride is required to get to your gate. Don't jack this part up.
Once at the gate you can people watch and it't fantastic. You will more than likely observe the following people:
Cute family of 5: All kids under age 6 and with cute adorable kiddie luggage. Now I know it's 2 bags per person but a 3 year old cannot carry around her adorable flower suitcase on wheels. It's 3/4 her size and poor dad is left getting on the plane carrying all three of said suitcases. Just put the kid crap in your bag and call it a day. Save us all from your boarding struggle.
A business man on a phone call. Those that travel for work have every right to work while they wait. There's just no need to be that loud on the your phone. We don't care about bay 3 at the warehouse. Must you all be so loud?? Find a spot in the corner and use your inside voice.
Meal packers. There is no need to pack a lasagna in the jumbo tupperware for a 45 min flight. It's just overkill in my book. Also in the food category are the loud eaters. No, I am not sorry for the glare of death I gave you for gulping your pizza so get some manners.
Then there's the sky-miles seller. I once got to watch a young black guy on his first day of work. He would only approach young black females for his sales pitch. His female boss later showed up and showed him how it's done. I love observing society.
After the observation hour is over it's time to board. They will begin boarding and by begin I mean first class, and such. However, the people will disregard this information and the herd will rise and cluster around the gate looking slightly agitated that they are out of their seat. Chill Veruka, there's not a gold tick hiding on the plane for you. No need to stampede the gate. I have yet to figure out why every one wants to get on right away? I'll just wait and stroll on at the end with ease.
Karma caught up to me on my travels this time. My punishment for silently mocking the people I watch was handed to me on the way home in the form of a seat in the last row between to "walls of humanity" as the man referred to it. There I sat all 125 lbs of me between two guys well over 300 lbs each. The arm rest disappeared never to be seen again. When headed for my seat the flight attendant couldn't even look me in the eyes. It was that bad. Luckily it was short flight as my fresh oxygen supply was being sucked up by the hibernating bears I wouldn't have made it much longer.
I tried to read because that's how introverts deal with the world. It was hard to focus and I ended up rereading the funny spots in Jen Hatmaker's new book For the Love. She puts some of the funny parts of life in her honest heavy books and they are wonderful. If you find yourself stuck between two giants, have something fun to read. Who know what next air port adventure will bring. I will leave you with my nub hot dog legs between the walls of humanity......
