Why we need cross-generational friends

        When you grow up your friends are your age. The world groups us by age for school and sports instead of ability levels. With a September birthday I was always the oldest. From school to sports teams, very few were older and if so, only by a few days. To top it off I was the oldest of all the May kids. Then we moved and I became the oldest kid on the block. To say I have a first born personality would be an understatement. I always found myself a little more mature than my peers and not really caring about their social lives.

 As you go through grade school and middle school we defined our friendships by the confines of our grades. A sixth grader could not possibly be seen with the fifth graders at the neighborhood pool. Social suicide right there. This always baffled me because the girls in the grade ahead of me only had a few months or weeks on me age wise. Sadly, I was in a lower grade and thus off limits for friendship. Then high school hits and the grade lines start to fade. Once you surpass freshman status it didn't really matter. In college it was easy to spot the freshman, they dressed up for class, but other than that no one really cares in college and every one is friends with every one and it's wonderful. Unless you were that "adult learner" in class. No, you cannot be in our group because you will actually care about this project and we don't.

 As I've joined the adult world I have accumulated a group of friends ranging in age, AND I LOVE IT! We 20 somethings need you 30 and 40 somethings. We need your wisdom, examples and encouragement. We need your wisdom to tell us "Hey, you may want to go on that big trip now, while you can."

To my married friends, we need you to show us what a marriage really looks like and that it's actually hard. Disney and Hollywood have misled us for decades and we need you to show us your struggles and success. To give us solid advice such as, we can't really change his slightly annoying habits. Not only are you great for a marital life, you show us how to parent little ones and balance life. I am still trying to figure out how to manage me and my basic needs. How you keep these other little humans alive and functioning and non annoying manner is beyond me. Well done.

Some days you need us to be a buffer for your kids. We will gladly play with your kids and have fun with them when we get together. We value adult time too, but for those of us with out kids and who love them, Your kids help fill that void for us. Hopefully we can be a good example to your kids. If any one needs a non-married 20 something example, I am nailing it. But we love your kids. I recently sent a letter to a girl at camp.Because why not?! We can be trusted adult in your kid's life. I want to feel young again too and being with them is fun. Feel free to share your kids with us. We love them and you.

As for you wiser folk, you encourage us when you don't hesitate to tell us to take a big trip or go abroad. To take the job or move. You guide us with careers and all the little tiny baby dreams we have. You know, the ones that seem to overwhelm you because they are just so big? When you're scared of where this dream might lead you or heaven forbid you might actually be successful and get what you wanted. You encourage our baby steps and remind us that they matter. You remind us of when you went through life in your 20's and how it was equally awesome and hard. We see you made it to the other side of becoming successful and it gives us hope that we will too. We need you and your encouragement in this time of uneasiness.

Don't worry, you need us too. Kids are forgiving and we love them for this. The world hasn't worn them down yet and most of what we do is awesome to them. We need them to get excited about our lives and give us the energy we need to carry on those big adventures we take. You know the ones that you have helped guide us along. They give us a new energy and life and I hope this is what I do for my wiser friends. You need our youthful energy and excitement for the world.

You need us young sprightly ones too. You need us for friends who don't have kids or husbands and will talk about anything but those two things. We will go see that chick flick movie with you or go get a pedicure. We will go to that store your husband loathes and we love.You need us to explain social media and show you the good shopping and eating spots. Maybe us young-ins bring new enthusiasm to a dream you had or help shake you out of that rut. Maybe we just remind you of a fun time in your life.What ever role we fill, we're glad to fill it.

 We need more cross generational bonds in this world. Life is to short to navigate it alone. Yeah, I think my generation is pretty awesome and we're going to do big stuff with our time here, but we think you guys are pretty awesome too.

What cross generation friendships do you value?

Why The US Women's National Team is Breaking Our Hearts

As I coached watched the US Womens' Soccer Team desperately beat Columbia 2-0 the other night, I went to bed sad with the lack of good soccer our team is putting out. I'm not sure what is causing the lack of "Wow" factor they are playing with this world cup, but my heart is broken for them. This is a group of talented women who chose to play a sport because they love the game. They are beyond talented and so deserve to win a world cup (hello 16 year drought). They are amazing women with individual stories to tell. They are the role models that more athletes should be. They stay in their soccer world playing their game. Rarely do we hear of them outside of a soccer story. Yet, we are being so very critical of the their performance so far and it's breaking hearts.

This past year I had a group of students who were sure they would be NFL stars. I found this more than annoying. They didn't want to play because they loved the game (ok, one of them did) but they wanted to be famous and have a Nike contract. A precedent set before them no less.Being the realist that I am, we quickly researched the average career span of an NFL player to find it was 3 years. Most are left bankrupt 3 years after that. I have yet to see an endorsement for being unemployed and bankrupt before 30.  I told my kids they could have the NFL dream, just have a back up plan too. This is where the National Team is different from other athletes. The US soccer team loves the game first. A few of them make good money with endorsements and a world cup win would land them a nice bonus check or two, but they love the game first. Sure there's a Women's League to play in, but the pay isn't much. They didn't dream of endorsements, fans and autographs growing up. They just wanted to play soccer.


These players love the small loyal fan base they have, because for many of them, I'm sure they remember watching the 99' world cup final where the team became America's Sweethearts. The 11 year old in me who watched that game wide eyed and on the edge of my seat, so longs to see them win again. The next generation needs to fall in love with this team and the amazing women that wear the uniform. If you follow any of the players on social media you will see how grounded they are. They can be seen playing pranks, card games and singing on the team bus. Much like the many youth teams on the road. Making them that much more lovable and real.

They are humble in interviews and will generously give their time talking to fans. Carly Lloyd stayed after training to talk to the press and had to ride back after the team bus left. So when she saw a group of girls decked in the red white and blue (FYI Nike: those are our colors) she had the car stop and she hopped out to say hello. Watch the video here: Carly Surprises Fans. Obtaining an autograph from a player is fairly easy if you attend a game and stick around.

Tomorrow the team takes on China in the quarterfinals and you can watch the game on Fox at 7:30 (ET). A 99' world cup final rematch. While we should win this game, soccer is so very unpredictable. My hope for this game is that the "WOW" factor is back. That America falls in love with this new generation of players whom we so love this team and believe in all that it can do. The next generation needs you just as we needed the 99's. #Shebelieves

Remember this moment?

To follow the team behind the scenes check out these short videos on Behind the Crest or get to know them with their 23 Stories 

And this SNL skit it just wonderful so here's a bonus one for you: World Cup SNL

People You meet (deal with) at the Atlanta airport

A recent trip led me to one of the busiest places on earth. Atlanta's Airport. It really is an experience on its own. You'll feel like you will have been on an adventure before you ever actually get to your destination.

First you will have to find your way to security, but be sure it's not the TSA fast pass lane or Delta Sky line security. They will kick you out. Once you find the correct line, you may enter. Unless you're stuck behind some one who doesn't have any form of ID on them. Why this person is a functioning member of society I do not know.  Luckily for this individual her back was turned to me and could not see the "can you really be this dumb" look on my face. Fun fact, you can prove your identity with a prescription bottle. I feel safe now.

Now it's time for the Metal Detector XRay Box-o-Fun. For said contraption you must remove shoes and stand in line. This is not sacred ground like that at the Grand Ole Opry, but cold tile that every one else has had their gross feet on. Now being Atlanta we can be fancy at times and some have come dressed to impress. You'll have to wait behind the fashionista as she takes off her very adorable but not TSA friendly shoes, and her 6 pieces of Jewelry. This can also be said of the T.I wanna be with his chain and belt buckle. We are so diverse here. If you're lucky you will make it though with ease. However there's a 50/50 chance that some one packed something they should not have and they have to scan the bag back and forth, back and forth, Little slower, but back and forth while you watch ole Joe sweat. This can be stressful or funny depending. Personally, I just wanted to point on their recent TSA fail rate of 95% and to move on! Who is allowed to continue working with those kind of numbers any ways??!


You will also have to wait as Fashion and T.I re-accessorize post Box-O-Fun. I believe their should be a line for intelligent people and a line for those of the less gifted kind. Unlike the tiny airports scattered over our country, A train ride is required to get to your gate. Don't jack this part up.

Once at the gate you can people watch and it't fantastic. You will more than likely observe the following people:

Cute family of 5: All kids under age 6 and with cute adorable kiddie luggage. Now I know it's 2 bags per person but a 3 year old cannot carry around her adorable flower suitcase on wheels. It's 3/4 her size and poor dad is left getting on the plane carrying all three of said suitcases. Just put the kid crap in your bag and call it a day. Save us all from your boarding struggle.

A business man on a phone call. Those that travel for work have every right to work while they wait. There's just no need to be that loud on the your phone. We don't care about bay 3 at the warehouse. Must you all be so loud?? Find a spot in the corner and use your inside voice.

Meal packers. There is no need to pack a lasagna in the jumbo tupperware for a 45 min flight. It's just overkill in my book. Also in the food category are the loud eaters. No, I am not sorry for the glare of death I gave you for gulping your pizza so get some manners.

Then there's the sky-miles seller. I once got to watch a young black guy on his first day of work. He would only approach young black females for his sales pitch. His female boss later showed up and showed him how it's done. I love observing society.

After the observation hour is over it's time to board. They will begin boarding and by begin I mean first class, and such. However, the people will disregard this information and the herd will rise and cluster around the gate looking slightly agitated that they are out of their seat. Chill Veruka, there's not a gold tick hiding on the plane for you. No need to stampede the gate. I have yet to figure out why every one wants to get on right away? I'll just wait and stroll on at the end with ease.

Karma caught up to me on my travels this time. My punishment for silently mocking the people I watch was handed to me on the way home in the form of a seat in the last row between to "walls of humanity" as the man referred to it. There I sat all 125 lbs of me between two guys well over 300 lbs each. The arm rest disappeared never to be seen again. When headed for my seat the flight attendant couldn't even look me in the eyes. It was that bad. Luckily it was short flight as my fresh oxygen supply was being sucked up by the hibernating bears I wouldn't have made it much longer.

I tried to read because that's how introverts deal with the world. It was hard to focus and I ended up rereading the funny spots in Jen Hatmaker's new book For the Love. She puts some of the funny parts of life in her honest heavy books and they are wonderful. If you find yourself stuck between two giants, have something fun to read.  Who know what next air port adventure will bring. I will leave you with my nub hot dog legs between the walls of humanity......

Other side of the pitch

When you coach youth sports you meet amazing families and some shall we say, who let their colors show. After playing the sport and logging a few year of coaching you learn to see the big picture to youth sports such as what matters at each age and what level you are playing at. I'm often asked questions about coach and if I could tell one thing to sports parents it's this: See the forest through the trees.

First of all, if you have to tell me "I'm not that overbearing crazy parent" I hate to break it to you, but you are. Don't try to tell the coach you played in the 80s so you know how it is. Again, being the barer of bad news, in the 80's any girl willing to run and wear a sports bra made the team. Women's sports and the game of soccer have evolved in the past 30 years. But please, do tell me your thoughts.

Over the years I have had the pleasure of coaching the most emotionally stable age group ever, girls ages 11-14. 15 players on a team, 65 personalities. I like to call it emotional roulette. Some motivated by critical comments where others would crumble at the slightest hint of criticism. Some simply needing to be told, job well done. Each team I coach was so very different from the last. One year I coached a team that's wasn't close to a top level team in the soccer word, but they worked hard and had fun. They were from blue collar families and they played like it, pure reckless abandon. We had so much fun. The next year I had a team of nerds with a mostly white collar lifestyle. They were beyond analytic and I am convinced that if I gave them a text book and said their would be a test, they would have won a few more games. No actual practice with a ball necessary. A group eager to please and make sure every one was having a good time. They challenged me as a coach and I enjoyed trying to figure them out. As a parent, take note of the team and player dynamics. They matter in girls sports. Those dynamics change the way we coach.

Some parents wonder why their supper star suddenly can't do anything right. With kids growing and learning, they are all due for an awkward and frustrating season around age 12.  It's a little thing we call puberty.  No one is coordinated during puberty. Dribbling a ball while your feet and legs grow at an unnatural rate is not easy. To the parent who is wondering why sally suddenly can't hit the broad side of the barn, she grew 6 inches in 3 months, let it go. She'll get her groove back.

Too many parents don't understand why their kid doesn't throw a ball or kick a ball with 100% accuracy 100% of the time. Well first, that's impossible and two, they are learning. Kinda like how your kid didn't learn algebra in one math class. It took a few years to really sink in. Mistakes are part of life, but more importantly it's how you respond to that. As a coach who has logged way to many hours at try outs, we expect them to make mistakes; we just want to see how they react to them. Did they hang their head or chase after the ball? I can teach the skill but I can't teach the heart.

Stop stressing about divisions and standings so much. If the goal is college ball, I have a secret to tell you so listen in. If you want a spot on a college team its yours for the taking. Hundreds of spots go unclaimed every year in women's athletics. I know girls who stopped playing for a good 2 years and got a spot on a college team. IT'S NOT THAT HARD, SO CHILL. I promise your child will figure it out and play at the college level if he or she wants to. Just see the forest through the trees on this one. Trust me, it will all work out. Your standings at age 13 will matter never. Most kids under age 10 have no clue the score during a game. Even when they are getting killed, they are happy to play.

The most dreaded  beloved time for a coach are try outs. Try outs bring out the best in every one. Parent's don't freak out their kids and coaches maintain status-quo stress free social lives during those weeks. (Laura, I'm sorry for the one time when your husband and I had to call each other 50 times on your weekend anniversary trip. It wasn't our fault I swear!!) I once counted the number of phone calls made in 72 hrs following try outs. Well, I stopped at 144 so I don't know the grand total..... but you get the point. If you get a phone call about a spot on the team don't think about it and call them back 4 hours later. Take it or leave it then and there. That coach has other people to call and if you don't want the spot some one else does. You are not God's gift the sport and you are replaceable. A note to parents; please, please let your child take this call. They need to hear the offer to be on the team just as much as the coach needs to hear the reaction of the excited kid. Those are some of the greatest moments when I get to call a player and make an offer for a spot on the team. This is a perk of the job so don't take it from us.

If you want to try out some where else, tell your coach. We won't take it personal just let us know so we can be prepared to fill your spot if we need to. Again, not God's gift the sport. not telling us is kinda like a break up over a text.  It's a life skill your little slugger needs any ways. They will one day need to turn in a notice at work and should know how to do so.

Don't try and tell us lies or stories either. We have heard them all and know what your are really saying. I'm sure "some parents on the sideline" were saying that. But go a head, tell me what you think hear.

A funny fact about kids, they think they have opinions, but they are really just yours. Your child inadvertently tells us everything you say about the team and our coaching. It's really quite comical some times. But go on with your dog and pony show.

Finally, trust your kid's coach. They more than likely played the sport for years and have been coaching for many more. They know the trends of each age group and how divisions and teams shake out at each level and age. If your coach is working in the here and now and getting a result, cool, but you may want to look through a few trees while you're in the winners circle. I see a lot of teams win in the early years and crumble at u-15 and u-16 because they lack a solid foundation but by golly they won state at age 12. That's what counts right??

I once had a player juggling a club team and middle school team one season. She aggravated a muscle (maybe her legs were tired??) in a club game so I told her to take the week off (this is where I see a forest) and Dad didn't see why she should couldn't play in a middle school game later that week. She ended up hurting herself more and missing more games. Glad my input matters never.

Despite the crazy ones, Some parents are fantastic and we as coaches love them. They feed us between/during tournament games, supply a cold beverage of all kinds when needed and let their kid be a kid. They don't talk shop with us and are just content with their kid doing what they love and learning to be a good person along the way. These ones see the forest and remind us why we coach.

A group of us coaches were once sent and e-mail by one of these parents (we don't get these often, so if you like a coach let them know) thanking us for what we had done not for her daughter's soccer career, but her character. You see she fought to make varsity as a freshman and worked her way to some playing time. She soon found herself taking the last penalty kick in a rivalry tie breaker, she hit the crossbar and it went wide. But when the ball didn't bounce her way she didn't melt down or have a fit. She was composed and full of class. That was what her mom was proud of in that moment. That her daughter knew how to work hard for something she wanted and when the wind didn't blow her way, she held her head high. That parent sees the forest.

So chill out about the kids and the sports and the winning and take in the bigger picture.You will miss this when it's gone so enjoy it.